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Tag:Irv N. Michaels
Posted on: October 5, 2011 2:57 pm
 

Fantasy owner files suit against Titans' Johnson

Fantasy owner files suit against Titans' Johnson

October 5, 2011
Irv N. Michaels, The Pigskin Weekly Journal 

HOBOKEN, NJ -- As the popularity of the National Football League continues to grow to unprecedented heights in this country, so too does the popularity of fantasy football leagues.  And while many regard these leagues as merely an entertaining way to get more involved in the games, for others, fantasy football has come to represent far more than just bragging rights.

On Wednesday, a Hoboken, New Jersey man filed a lawsuit against Tennessee Titans star Chris Johnson, claiming the running back has badly underperformed this season, given where he was selected in an early-September fantasy football draft.

“I drafted Chris Johnson in the first round, number three overall,” said Lou Nussy, a 38-year old a sanitation worker from Hoboken.  “Every time I lose a game in my league, I’m out twenty bucks.  Thanks to this bum, I’m 0-4!”

According to Nussy, Johnson’s numbers through four games are not indicative of what should be expected from a high first round fantasy draft pick.

“Every year of his career so far, this guy’s had at least ten total touchdowns,” said Nussy.  “Two years ago, he had sixteen.  This year he has the same amount of touchdowns as I do…zero.”

Johnson’s inability to reach the end zone, according to Nussy, hasn’t been the fifth year running back’s only shortcoming this season however.

“This guy’s averaging 2.9 yards a carry…2.9!”  said Nussy.  “Against the Denver Broncos he gets 21 yards on 13 carries!  That’s less than 2 yards a carry against the stinkin’ Broncos!”

“I pick up trash for a living and I could manage 4 yards a pop against that train wreck of a defense!”

Although his team, Rex Likes Barefoot Kickers, currently sits at 0-4, and has scored fewer points than any other squad in his 10-team league, Nussy says he has no plans to sue any other player on his fantasy roster.

“If our league took away points for interceptions then yeah, Tony Romo would have been a co-defendant,” said Nussy.  “Since we don’t though, the blame lies squarely on one guy…Chris Johnson.

Johnson, whose Titans face the tough task of taking on the Steelers in Pittsburgh this Sunday, was unavailable for comment.

Category: NFL
Posted on: October 8, 2009 3:47 pm
Edited on: October 5, 2011 3:00 pm
 
Category: NFL
Posted on: September 3, 2009 10:05 am
 

Irv N. Michaels-Loyalty to Favre Divides Family

Son's Loyalty to Favre Divides Wisconsin Family

by Irv N. Michaels, The Pigskin Weekly Journal 

For as long as Mort Gunderson can remember, he's been a Green Bay Packers fan.  "Being a Packer backer is in my family's blood, just like ice fishing, aged cheese, and the family business." said Gunderson, a third generation manure salesman from Kaukauna, Wisconsin.  "It's who we Gunderson's are.  All of us 'cept my boy."

Gunderson's "boy," 19-year old Scottie Gunderson, no longer considers himself a Packers fan.  His loyalty, he claims, belongs instead to his boyhood idol.  "I support Brett Favre, and so I support the Minnesota Vikings." said the younger Gunderson.  "And if my family can't accept that, well then I just don't know what to tell 'em."  This stance, according to Scottie's mother Jinny Gunderson, is completely unacceptable.  "First off, no son of mine is going to wear purple.  It's fruity.  So there's that." said the 44-year old mother of six.  "But rooting for that team with that Judas as their quarterback?  Why that'll getcha kicked right out of the Gunderson home, you know!"

So venomous, in fact, is the Gunderson's disdain for Favre, and for the former Packer star's new team, they recently fired their son from his job as a warehouse worker at the family's manure store.  "I was a Warehouse Technician there, and they fired me." said Scottie.  "They got rid of their own son just because I root for Brett and the Vikes."  Jinny, the Accounts Receivables Manager at Son of a Gunderson's Manure & Soil, does not deny her son's claim.  "Your darn tootin' we fired him!  When you wear a Vikings number 4 jersey to our store, you can doggone bet your bottom dollar you're gettin' the boot.  And let's be clear.  The boy lifted manure to and from the shelves!  He wasn't a gosh darned technician!"

Mort Gunderson, though he understands his son's admiration of Favre while he was the quarterback of the Packers, cannot relate to his son's current state of mind.  "Scottie grew up watching Favre with the Pack, so I can see how he came to respect and admire the man.  I just don't think my son fully understands the evil that is today's Favre." said the elder Gunderson.  "I mean did you see that crackback he threw on that Wilson kid from the Texans?  Satan himself, vile, purple blood coursing through his veins, couldn't have thrown a dirtier block." 

Both the Vikings and the Packers open their regular season schedules on Sunday, September the 13th.  The teams first head-to-head meeting is on Monday night, October the 5th, at the Metrodome in Minneapolis.  Jinny Gunderson says that her son has been warned about showing up to the family's home that night in Viking purple.  "Purple is just a combination of black and blue, you know?  If he wants his body to match that lame jersey of his, he'll show up to my front door wearing it."

Category: NFL
Posted on: August 18, 2009 5:52 pm
 

Irv N. Michaels-Philly Fans to PETA: Back Off

Philly Fans to PETA: Back Off

by Irv N. Michaels, The Pigskin Weekly Journal 

If the controversial animal rights organization PETA is planning on picketing Philadelphia Eagles home games this season, they might want to reconsider, this according to a number of Eagles season ticket holders.  "I will, God as my witness, knock the hippie right out of 'em." said Lou DeCarlo, a Philadelphia native and self professed lifetime Eagles fanatic.  "I'll hit 'em so hard, I promise you, they'll instantly go from liberal and vegan to a right wing conservative who eats cheesesteaks."

Bobby Gamboa, a season ticket holder since 1985, says he actually welcomes a potential altercation with PETA.  "You know that stunt they pull, where they throw the fake blood on you?  I will wear, I kid you not, a coat made out of Siberian Husky to every game." said Gamboa.  "I pray, I pray that they throw that phony blood on me.  It'll be worth them doin' it just so I could pummel 'em afterwards for having done it."     

Paul Jackson, a retired security coordinator at Veterans Stadium, the Eagles former home, believes the possibility of a peaceful protest without incident is unlikely.  "Philadelphia sports fans, to say the least, are a passionate group." said Jackson.  "I know PETA has picketed other stadiums in other cities, but I don't know that they'd be prepared for what the Philly fan would throw at them.  And when I say 'throw," I mean literally.  I once saw an 80-year old woman throw a Rubik's Cube at Mike Schmidt."

"I'm a union member, so I know a thing or two about protesting." said Al Jacobs, a retired plumber and lifetime Philadelphia resident.  "I picketed for the workin' man though.  If I go out to Lincoln Financial and see some long haired kid wearin' sandals, holdin' up a dog sign, I don't know what I'll do.  Chances are you'll probably see the first ever PETA popsicle."

Representatives from PETA, unfortunately, could not be reached for comment.

Category: NFL
 
 
 
 
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